Like I said, I spend a lot of my time thinking like Elizabeth Bennett.

For months I’ve been criticizing these two people from afar, pointing out their egos to anyone who might listen, finding their faults with perfect accuracy.
Until tonight.

Tonight, I saw them humble. I saw them from afar, their egos nowhere in sight. Now the only one visible is mine. And it hurts. My pride. My stupid pride. And I wonder: if I had never seen them this way, would I change at all? Would my view of them soften because of a heart that has learned to love? It hurts even more to know that no, it wouldn’t.
I need more love. More compassion. I pray that I’ll have it, but not near enough.
But they can’t know. I can’t tell them. That would be weird, that would be odd. You see, I’ve actually spoken to only one of them. Twice. Maybe three times. And I think, “Who am I to encourage you, to thank you for humbling me? I hardly know you.”

Oh wait.

There’s my pride again, fearing for my reputation. Fearing the ruin I do not seek.

Ow. Humility hurts.

I am so sorry.
I said so anyway… But I don’t think it will ever matter. Unless…